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The Life of Gary Plumery
Our second son, Gary,
was born on June 25, 1960 (his father’s 26th Birthday) in Melrose Park, Illinois. Our first son, Rich, was only 11 months
old when Gary was born. Gary only weighed 5 lbs., and was (in our opinion) a very beautiful baby. When we brought Gary
home from the hospital, we had no idea that he had Down Syndrome. Our General Practitioner apparently wanted us to gradually
discover his condition. Of course, as parents in their early twenties, we had no information about Down Syndrome.
For
the next 6 weeks, Gary was a good baby, sleeping a lot and hardly ever crying, but he had difficulty sucking his bottle.
I called the doctor’s office many times during that period, but was advised to let Gary sleep through the night and wake him
up during the day for feedings.
When we took Gary for his 6 week checkup, the doctor asked us if anyone in our family
had slanty eyes. We answered – No, and asked why he asked that question. He said that Gary had some of the features of
a “Mongoloid”, but it was too early to diagnose. We went home that night, wondering if the doctor was right, and whether
we should go to another doctor for a second opinion.
The next morning, I got on the phone and found a Pediatrician
who had an open appointment. When the pediatrician walked into the examination room, he appeared to be very surprised and
shocked, and he asked what we knew about this baby. I explained what our family doctor had said. After the doctor examined
Gary, he brought us into his office, and said that, in his opinion, Gary had Down Syndrome. I was totally in shock, and
started crying in his office. I have to say that this doctor had no bedside manner whatsoever. I can remember sitting
there thinking about what Gary was going to be like. We knew him as a loving, sweet baby. This doctor made him seem like
some kind of a freak.
The doctor said that we could get another opinion and referred us to Illinois Research for a
complete examination and diagnosis. We had to wait until Gary was 5 months for an appointment at Illinois Research. Gary
was put through many tests, x-rays, etc. Gary had all of the features of Downs Syndrome -- folding of the ear, large tongue,
stars around the cornea, etc. After all of the testing, the Chief Physician asked us if we would stay for the interns’
afternoon class. I found this to be another traumatic moment in my life. Gary was placed on an examination table for
all of the interns to examine.
I kept wanting to grab my baby and leave. As the interns were examining Gary, the Chief
Physician turned to us and asked what we were going to do with this baby. We answered that we were going to raise him with
our other son. He then said “I have worked with Mongoloids for 20 years – and my advice to you is to place him in an institution
and forget him. He will never fit into the world”. We were in such shock that we hardly responded and then left. As
we left, we had this terrible feeling of emptiness and despair. We didn’t know what to do next.
We decided to call
our parish priest. Again, he had no advice for us, since he did not know that much about Down Syndrome. He, however, referred
us to a Catholic home for developmentally disabled infants through 6 years old. We met Sister Mary Walter, who gave us a
tour of the home. It was so disturbing to see all of the babies lying there with missing arms and legs and severely brain
damaged.
We then talked to Sister Mary Walter about our child. We told her about Gary’s Down Syndrome diagnosis.
I can remember asking her if a child could have the features of Down Syndrome, but be normal. She advised that we accept
the diagnosis. She, however, also advised that we keep Gary at home and raise him with lots of love and stimulation. She
said that Down Syndrome children being raised at home were walking at 2-1/2 years old, whereas Down Syndrome children raised
in institutions walked at 5 years old.
We went home and digested all of the information, and after some discussion,
made our decision to raise Gary at home. We then started to look for help in our community to better understand our son’s
condition, and what we may be able to do to stimulate him so that he could learn and be a happy child.
We found a
research group called Julian Levinson Foundation in Chicago that were doing experimental research on Down Syndrome Children.
The research study was to determine if some vitamins and minerals might help these childen. They also started an
Infant
Stimulation Program, which involved the parents working with the children to work with them on talking, and physical conditioning.
During that time, Gary improved so much. He learned to crawl and then walk, and started verbalizing.
When Gary was
2 years old, we had our daughter, Cheryl. We now had three children to raise. We moved several times during their childhood,
and, of course, at times there was teasing and name calling from neighborhood children. We, however, found that the best
way to deal with that was to invite the children over for Kool Aid and cookies. Then I could explain Gary’s condition, and
ask them to help him out. The children responded very favorably, and Gary became the most popular child on the block.
Gary
attended First Creek School in Aurora, and then went to Overland High School until he was 21 years old.
After
Gary’s graduation, our next challenge was to find a job for Gary. His first job was at a Horticultural business, which had
to be closed for lack of funds. His next job was working at Hill’s Market in Parker. When Hill’s Market closed, Gary was
again out of a job. We found out that McDonald’s was building a restaurant in Parker, and Gary applied for the job. Gary
worked for McDonald’s for 15+ years. Almost everyone in Parker knew Gary, and he was loved by them. When Gary died,
we received so many letters from people expressing how they enjoyed Gary’s sense of humor and loving ways.
When Gary
was born, we had no place to go for advice and counseling. We know how frustrating it is to look for help and not find it.
That is why we worked so hard to get counseling for parents of developmentally disabled children, parent groups, infant
stimulation programs, education and integration of these children into our schools. I remember Gary’s first school was at
a converted sausage factory. We collected carpeting, tables and chairs and we hired a teacher to work with our children.
Gary’s classrooms throughout the years have been the basement of a school, a converted fire station and church halls.
We are so happy that Gary’s name will live on through the Gary Plumery Foundation. We hope that we can improve the quality
of life for the developmentally disabled. Gary would be so proud. Gary brought out the best in our family and friends.
We believe that we are so much better for having Gary in our lives.
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